The Underwear Theory

Today is one of those days – there is nothing fashionable or chic about it. So I’m going to be my “authentic self” (per Oprah), and share with you how I’m just a normal (and slightly neurotic) chick like everyone else.

I did my best to get myself presentable and get out of the house. The babysitter came on time. That was about the only thing that went well.

Humidity flattened my hair before I walked out the door. Two of the three kids are sick. Then the realtor called because someone wanted to show the house in a few minutes. Ugh.

I finally left. Drove three blocks, realized I’d forgotten the Spring Fashion Fling postcards at home – the whole reason for me going out today.
Whipping a U-turn while applying my make up, I drive back three blocks and hop out of the car.
Notice that I don’t mention putting the van in park? Yeah…because I didn’t.
I don’t realize this and assume my van – which has recently been replaced with a newer model – is P.O.’d at me, has become possessed and is trying to run me over!
I’m actually trying to push on the front of the van as if my 5ft 3″ frame can hold back a moving mini van!
Thankfully I have a Dukes of Hazzard flashback and somehow catapult myself around the door, into the moving van and throw it into park before I crash into the garage door.

This brings me to the underwear theory, because I chose a cuter pair of underwear today versus a regular boring pair.
The old advice of wearing nice underwear in case you get in an accident is a silly notion. No, I’m not promoting wearing funky undies with stretched out elastic and holes. I’m just pointing out that while wearing pretty underwear is a nice thing to do for yourself, or your significant other, it’s not convincing to say that I should do so in case I’m in an accident.
Here is why…do you really think that your pretty underwear is going to be clean should you get into an accident? I think not. I’m pretty sure that had the van actually run me over and into the garage, I would have, at the very least, pee’d my pants, therefore messing my pretty pink undies.
Now you know the underwear theory.